My Healing Birth

by Lindsey Sullivan
(Ohio)

I titled this "My Healing Birth" because the birth of our son, Nolan David, was my first natural birth following the births of our daughters that were both completely medicalized.

From OBGYN's to epidurals, and episiotomies to forceps, you name it, they did it to me, and sadly, I let them.

I was much younger, and the way I see it now, completely uneducated about the birthing process.

I certaintly felt like a science project and all at the same time, I felt completely dependent on the hospital staff to practically birth my babies for me. I never realized that what takes place when you give birth to your children can affect you emotionally and physically for the rest of your life.

After giving birth to our daughters I longed for the experience and the feeling of delivering naturally. I was very nervous that I had not taken a single natural childbirth class, nor had I hired a doula, but I was filled with this confidence that I could do it without anyone's help. I am so proud to say that I accomplished just that and here is how the day I gave birth naturally to my son Nolan proceeded to unfold.

I woke up at 6:00 a.m. with what seemed like the same contractions I had been experiencing daily for two months, only these ones hurt enough to wake me. The week before I had the same experience and swore it was going to be my son's birthday until the contractions suddenly stopped hurting two and a half hours after they had begun.

This time, when the two and a half hour mark arrived, I thought for sure the contractions would lessen once more. However, this time they continued for the remainder of the morning. I distracted myself by baking blueberry muffins with my four and six year old daughters and enjoyed a few of those before taking a nice shower. The contractions were confusing because they weren't coming at exact intervals of time but they were growing in intensity.

Eventually I called the midwives and they asked me to come in for a "labor check." It turned out, to my great surprise, at 11:30 a.m. the midwife told me I was 5 centimeters dialated. I couldn't believe it, I didn't feel like I was in active labor, and the midwife said I certainly didn't appear to be either.

I continued to keep myself distracted by riding around with my mom getting lunch and strawberry milk shakes until the pain became so intense that I knew it was time to get to the hospital if I didn't want to deliver my son in her car. On a side note, ladies, take my word for it and avoid getting in a stick shift at all costs!

So, I called my husband at work and asked him to meet me at the hospital we planned to give birth at (there simply isn't the option to have a homebirth in the state of Ohio) and my mom proceeded to drive me to the hospital.

I called the midwife to tell her I believed I needed to get there soon and that I was on my way and she quickly agreed that I needed to get there soon when she had to be placed on hold during one of my contractions. At this point I had long given up timing contractions which the midwives asked me kindly to do, but doing so made me extremely anxious and I knew what I was feeling and that I needed to remain calm and as a relaxed as possible.

When we arrived at the hospital they placed me in a small room where they had to monitor me for twenty minutes and ask me a million annoying questions. The entire time I was thinking...are these people insane? I'm having a baby here!

My husband arrived and was brought back to be by my side. The midwife came in and checked my cervix, she was super sweet and telling me how great I was doing at seven centimeters and in the midst of transition. I felt an immediate urge to relieve myself and asked where I could go to bathroom. On my way in there I kept thinking that I could very well just plop him out in the toilet by mistake! I did, however, make it back to the little room and back to my husband and tried told them I needed to stand up and not sit back down.

The midwife had just come in and asked if I would like to get in the shower or fill the tub and I told her she would need to decide for me because I couldn't think outside of what was taking place in my body. Suddenly my water broke, all over my feet and the floor, and it felt incredible. It was the most amazing feeling to realize I had previously given birth twice and never felt this feeling before. This was the moment where I was completely astonished at how much I had missed during the girls' births.

Seconds after my water broke I told the nurse and the midwife, "if you don't get me into the room where I am supposed to have the baby, I am going to have him right here." I remember them saying, "you can't have him in here, they are getting a room ready for you now." I laughed and said "what are you going to do about it then?" and that's when I think I started really making noise because my boy WAS coming out, right there and then!

The next thing I knew they put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me down the hall to labor and delivery...on the way there I felt like I was on a roller coaster about to go down the biggest hill I'd ever been down! I was on my toes and elbows saying "OOOOOOOHHHHH! OOOOOOOOHHHH!" and I think it was a completely natural reaction that I was also holding my breath in between the screams.

We entered the delivery room and they picked me up and placed me on the bed in there. I remember I was gripping the handle on the right side of the bed and my body was at an angle and they were saying "straighten your body out." My reply was "No! This is what I am doing!" There was simply nothing else I could do! That railing was my anchor through this out-of-body-like experience I was having. The baby's head was crowning and it was out of this world. The nurse to my left said "there is going to be a lot of burning" and yes, I told her to "Shut up! Please don't say that word again!" They all got a chuckle out of that. That wasn't the final laugh though because next another nurse said "would you like to see" as she was wheeling over the mirror and you know what came out of my mouth? "Jesus! NO!!!" There was no way I wanted to see what I was feeling at that very moment. I explained later that I would have LOVED to have seen his exit in the mirror, just not the crowning, as that was intense enough without the actual image.

It was time to push and my body knew it without a direction from a soul in the room and with one push my baby was born into the world. It was so unbelievable! He was so tiny at only 6lbs 7oz, and 19 1/4 inches long, yet he felt like he was 6 feet long to me! It was the most amazing feeling I have ever felt in my life and I will never forget it because it was exactly what I had always wanted. Nolan being a boy was simply a plus! I will forever remember the wonderful moments following his birth that my shirt was lifted and he was placed skin to skin, chest to chest with me for an entire hour or so. I had some minor tearing and while the midwife handled that I wouldn't let them, or anyone, take my son off of my chest until they were finished. I am so glad I wanted more than anything to breastfeed because Nolan knew that he wanted to and without any assistance rooted until he found the breast and latched on like a pro!

Within twenty-four hours of Nolan's birth we were released from the hospital. I was never compelled to stay in my bed either. I was up and doing everything I would have normally wanted to do within two hours of delievery. This too, was an incredible feeling to experience. I loved how much the nurses actually left me alone so that I could tend to my boy and take care of myself because I was fully capable.

The difference between recovery after childbirth with drugs and recovery after childbirth without drugs is night and day. I never slowed down, not for a day, even though I didn't leave the house for a week because I was in lala land and happier than I'd ever been in my whole life!

Thanks for reading my birth story, I hope in one way or another it inspires you to know that you are more than capable of doing what your body naturally prefers to do in a completely natural situation!