HELP- my adult daughter hates me-PITOCIN

by JOY
(New York, USA)

I was 2-weeks late and induced with Pitocin. I had never heard of the drug and I was alone without a labor coach. My husband was useless (we've since divorced). My mother was mentally unstable and unable to help. I was on my own.

Until this very day, my daughter, now 35 yrs old, would never allow me to be close to her. I breastfed her until she was 1 yr old, (no bottles ever) breastfed only, attachment parenting style. When I would try to continue to breastfed her (after her 1st birthday) by gently coaxing her, she would bite me and pinch my arms until I let her go. She did not want to be held and would wriggle free from anyone who tried to hold her. She didn't cry a lot, but rarely ever slept.

Since I'm very calm, loving, attentive and hands-on nurturing, I was distraught and knew this was not normal. I was told by many Drs that she just has a fiery, independent nature, and she is keenly alert, but I've known since she was almost 1 yr old that her behavior wasn't (and still isn't) normal.

REWIND: On her first day of preschool she was only 2.5 yrs old. When I knelt down to kiss her good-bye after spending time getting her acclimated, and hug her and tell her I love her and will be back soon, she pushed me hard and said, "go away", as I went to hug her, "I have new friends here, go home, mommy", she said ... while other kids were begging their moms to stay or lovingly hugging and kissing them good-bye. She pushed me so hard I lost my balance and fell back. She just ignored that and walked over to the toy area still ignoring me. I left, and as I walked outside, I burst into tears. I knew back then, so far, nothing was normal.

My friends had children who clung to them and would often cuddle up to their mom/dad. Not my daughter ... never. I am a very nurturing empath. I was passionate about raising her. My pregnancy was planned and I was prepared ... except for the unexpected problems that arose during labor -- problems I had never heard of -- Pitocin. Also, the divorce when she was almost 2 yrs old didn't help matters either.

Yes ... this was way back in 1975 but it has affected our relationship to this day. She's now a mom (she had a C-Section - no Pitocin) and I'm heartbroken she will not allow me to continue seeing my 3 yr old baby grandson. She waited until him and I were very close and bonded and very closely connected and then enjoyed seeing him and I ripped apart. It was a horrible scene, (sinful on her part) traumatic experience for both him and I, as she threw me out of her home, for no reason, in front of him.

Everyone -- family is baffled, startled and saddened. PITOCIN DOES HAVE VERY, VERY LONG-LASTING EFFECTS.

FAST FORWARD: 35 yrs later I'm still dealing with the aftermath. She still wants me to maintain an unbelievable distance, visit once every 3 months only. I only live 12-miles away. Against my better judgment, I even paid a lot of extra $$$ to send her to college out-of-the-country, upon her insistence and request, back when she was in her early 20's.

She does not bond with others, has few friends, pretends to be genuine but fakes emotions and causes disruption and drama. Of all of my friends, those who did not have Pitocin, have great relationships with their children, including their daughters. Those that had Pitocin have strained relationships.

So, I definitely see a pattern here.

HERE'S MY POINT: It's not over in childhood -- my adult daughter is making my life a living hell. "Pitocin babies" do NOT always outgrow this.

IMO, Pitocin causes life-long (heart-wrenching) problems. She was not Autistic. She spoke at 10-months old and read books at the age of 3yrs/3 months. She's highly intelligent, well educated, and articulate, but cannot hold down a job and hates when anyone, including myself, try to get close to her or when she observes others becoming close -- she will tear that relationship apart. Hates to see people be close/bonded. I think maybe her marriage might be in trouble - I do not know for sure.

I do not currently, nor have I ever, had any emotional or mental disorders or alcohol or drug abuse problems. I'm a non-smoker, non-drinker, eat holistic, organic foods all my life. I'm well educated, healthy, stable, loving and kind and know when to back off. I am not abusive, critical, overbearing or controlling. IMO, this irrational behavior is caused by the Pitocin. She cannot distinguish between good people who ARE FOR HER vs those who ARE NOT REALLY FOR HER and don't have her best interests at heart. She has flat-out refused therapy for the past 20 yrs. She has been her own worst enemy since she was a teen.

HELP - Does anyone have any suggestions before she completely casts me aside ... which is soon. My 3-yr old, sweet, adorable, loving grandson thinks I abandoned him. It's so painful. I already have a close bond with him, as I assisted in his daily care and raising up until just a few months ago. Thanks for your kind support and helpful suggestions. Also does anyone know where I can get help for this? THANKS FOR READING - JOY