Ezra's Birth Diary

Ezra's Labor

Fall weather was starting to appear, as much as it does in Southern Arizona. The sun distanced itself and allowed the air to become light, crisp, and fragrant. My due date came and went.

Besides the building pressure in my body, there was ample evidence in our home that a birth was coming...

...Supplies for a home birth were everywhere and waiting.

The baby in my belly made his presence known:

And so we waited.

It was a Wednesday...

...Nine days after the baby was due, when the small contractions I had been feeling for days began to grow stronger. With hope, breath and meditation, I continued waiting.

I prepared myself for the occurrence of anything. My husband, Ryan, and I took note of what was happening. We called family members and informed the midwife. We also relaxed, played and laughed. We played a game of Scrabble in the tradition of the days when we were building our relationship. We explained to our little girl, Fiona, that the letters were for spelling words. And by the way:

I jumped on a miniature trampoline my mother had brought over.

We walked through the neighborhood and cleaned the house. As the evening approached, the contractions grew subtly stronger.

The midwife, Bette, arrived at about 6:00 pm. She seemed pensive yet light, and made observation and comment about the atmosphere we had created.

Fiona was sweet and excited. Yet I found I could not relax while I soothed her tired cries. She was sent to my mother's where she could be with her older cousins who had come to Tucson for the birth. Ryan and I had previously downloaded favorite soothing and energizing music onto the 'iPod' and purchased a boom box we could play it from. As I closed my eyes and swayed to the words of Blondie:

I felt the contractions pull tighter and quicken. I sat on the birth ball, close to the bed and let my breath flow. I let Ryan press into my hips with his hands and felt his love and closeness. I ate some of my mother's light chicken broth and rice

Bette decided it was time to do an exam. Between contractions, she felt my cervix. And then the quiet solace of the room, the mood and hopeful anticipation all came to a screeching halt. I was only 2 centimeters dilated.

My mind quickly went to my first birth:

This birth of our son was supposed to be different.

Not without irony, I felt I had simultaneously engineered a perfect environment and let go of control...

Bette said it was going to be a long time before we met the baby and that she was concerned I would run out of energy too soon. As I lay there, I felt the contractions lessen and almost cease. My breath became halted and nervous. Then, in one moment, I let my breath return to fill my body and flow out my pores. When Bette suggested she leaves, along with my mother and sister, I sunk into the bed and into Ryan's touch and uttered a simple: "Okay." It was close to 9:00 pm.

Ezra's Birth

When everyone had left, I rested into the familiar softness of our foam bed and closed my eyes for a moment of solace. Soon, very soon, I began to feel my lower body contract and bend. Ryan helped me into the birth tub.

In that water, I lost myself completely. The pain was unyielding, like a violent storm it encompassed me - tight and breaking. There were intermittent moments of silence where I found myself leaning on the edge of the tub, sleeping, floating, and dreaming. Warm water wrapped around me like a blanket. I heard Ryan's voice here and there, full of encouragement and gentle questions.

Then, I knew I needed to be out of the tub. Ryan helped me to lumber out and once again fall onto the bed. I asked for a bucket and then my body heaved and folded in on itself as I vomited over and over into the bucket. I felt tears on my cheeks and some relief in the space that was created. The thought went through my head that vomiting often signaled impending birth...

...Yet I quickly dismissed any notion to call the midwife back.

After all, she had only just left and I was damned if I was going to let her tell me again that I "was not progressing."

...Moments of relief were shorter and then fewer. I asked to get into the birth tub for relief. As I reached one leg over the edge, I had a strong urge to go to the bathroom. I felt that I was going to have a bowel movement and I did not want to chance having that occur in the tub. All at once, Ryan helped me to the bathroom.

I was on the toilet, and I leaned into Ryan's arms and into the cold wall of the shower stall to my right. Contractions began so strongly, that I was completely overwhelmed as my belly squeezed visibly as I panted and yelled in the deepest tones I could find. Ryan was then on the phone, paging the midwife. I just wanted him to hold me as I wrapped myself around him and squeezed inward with all my strength.

The phone rang as Bette called back. I heard Ryan answer her questions about how 'far apart' the contractions were and I tried to express that this point was now passed...

...There were no contractions, only the movement of the baby in a constant and ceasing effort to come down. There was a popping sound and a rush of water as the sensations became even lower and sharper. Bette heard my yells as I felt that I was having an all-encompassing bowel movement. Just as Ryan hung up the phone and said she was coming, I yelled:

The next thing I knew, my arm was around Ryan's neck and he somehow kept one hand under the baby's head as he heaved me through the bathroom doorway and onto the bed. In one rush, the baby's head emerged the rest of the way. Ryan had the phone again and was asking me if he should call 911. Between panting breath, I said:

According to Ryan, the baby then turned completely over and then back again. I drew in a breath, pushed once, and his shoulders emerged. Ryan then guided him out.

Ezra Benjamin was born at 11:35pm - as best as we could estimate.

Ryan reached and grabbed a colorful beach towel from a nearby cedar chest and wrapped Ezra in it before he rested the baby on my chest. I told him where he could find a sterile nose syringe and he went to work suctioning Ezra's mouth and nose. He was so regal, so brave and beautiful - both Ezra and Ryan. I just held Ezra and cried. Ryan worked to massage him and we both laughed in disbelief.

Ezra's Midwife Arrives

Although we had some real knowledge of childbirth - I have attended 3 natural births and Ryan is a trained EMT - we waited anxiously for Bette to arrive with further direction. The umbilical cord continued to pulse and Ezra was gaining in color. He was wonderful.

It was a full 15 minutes from the emergence of baby Ezra before Bette came running in:

The cord had stopped pulsing and Bette clamped and cut it. She helped to deliver the placenta, which was a painful relief. My mother and sister arrived with wide eyes of surprise and we all laughed at the scene. We were thrilled, elated, and filled with endorphins. There was a palpable electricity and connection between Ryan and I. Ezra suckled at my breast and nursed as if he knew exactly what to do.

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