Death of a Baby

Death is not a fun subject...

...the death of a baby especially.

Yet...

...it must be talked about, because it happens to people like us every day.

August 27, 2008

Today, I have a "little" girl who turns eight. She is all giggles and smiles. She keeps telling me "I'm almost as tall as you Mama!"

Well not quite! But it's okay if she thinks so.

She is growing up...sweet...beautiful...full of life and joy. My heart rejoices at this day.

My heart is also saddened because next to her there should also be another little girl turning eight. You see my sweet birthday girl is a twin.

I will not say was - for even though her twin sister is no longer with us - my baby girl will always be a twin.

The death of a baby...

...I know what that is.

Her beautiful sister passed away at 1 month 1 day.

No...

...She was not premature.

My beautiful baby girl weighed 7 lbs 15 oz at birth!

But my sweet baby suffered from a neurological issue which was never quite determined. We did not perform an autopsy.

All I know for sure is that I nurtured her for 9 months, birthed her and then...

...My world shattered and my baby died.

She died and we had to lay her to rest.

Babies are not supposed to be laid to rest...

...but they are.

We are not supposed to say goodbye...

...but all over the world parents do.

I was fortunate enough to not go home with empty arms as some do. I guess we count our blessings however we can in such circumstances.

However, excuse me for sounding selfish if I say that was no consolation.

I birthed two baby girls I wanted two baby girls.

If you too have suffered through the death of a baby either because your gave birth to a stillborn baby, through miscarriage or like me your baby died after birth, I truly understand.

The world was very dark the day you had to say goodbye.

You wondered if life would ever be normal again.

Maybe you still do.

You woke up everyday thinking about your baby and went to bed thinking about your baby.

Special dates came and went and life went on for the rest of the world...

...and you wondered.

Then there is the deadly "what if" game.

What if I had...

What if...

What ifs, until you want to scream.

Then there is:

"It has been 6 months...move on."

"You can have more."

"Your baby is an angel in heaven now." - I think not.

"God wanted a pretty flower for His garden." - my favorite. Pick your own flowers I say. This one was mine!

All well meaning comments I understand.

After all what do you say to a grieving parent?

We live in a culture who wants to stay young without inconveniences...

...so we get rid of the young - too noisy and busy

...and of the old - too old I guess.

Death is not a pleasant subject.

Yet it happens.

It hurts.

It is devastating.

I am here to say that time is indeed a healer. No, you will never forget the death of your baby. But, you do function and smile again. There are still joys to be had.

So today,...

... I won't get too sad.

I will hold my "big" girl a little closer.

I will wonder what her sister would have looked like and I'll rejoice that I know goodbye is not forever.

If you want to share your story or just want to "talk" please contact me. I would love to hear from you.

There are natural remedies which will help with the overwhelming feelings. It won't take the grief away. That is a process, you must go through. You don't have to go through it alone.

I am here...

...if I am needed.

God bless you.